Friday, April 30, 2010

Shattered Expectations

It is human to expect that we live to a ripe old age, with a loving partner and healthy children and grandchildren, having been recognized and rewarded for our professional skills and contributions ...

It doesn't always work that way, does it.

My May newsletter column offered some ways to cope with disappointments great and small. You can access that column on my website: www.ahigherperspective.com.

The Buddhist perspective, as I understand it) would be that it is our attachment to things being a certain way that leads to our suffering when they aren't. Written out like that, it sounds so simple and makes so much sense. Letting go of that attachment is a different story.

Letting go of these core attachments is not a big-picture issue but a moment-by-moment practice. Again, easier said than done. Sometimes there's some cleaning up of the past that needs to take place before we can clearly focus on the now.

A daily handwriting practice can help with both aspects. EFT can help with dissolving old resentments and bitterness. Hypnotherapy can help to create positive new channels of thinking and behaving. A spiritual practice of some sort can reinforce the infinite nature of our being and give us much-needed perspective.

What works for you?

Be Kind Because Everyone Is Fighting a Battle

Once in a while I get contacted by high school students who want to interview a hypnotherapist for a paper they're writing. So when V.J. from Washington High School contacted me via email, I was happy to schedule an appointment for her to come in.

Communication was informal to the point of irritation for me. Aha, I thought, here's a high school student who really doesn't know how to write. What a shame!

V.J. turned out to be a sophomore, so was younger than the usual juniors and seniors working on the projects I've been involved with before. She seemed ill at ease and tentative. The first question she asked me was rather surprising, "Why did you become a psychologist?"

"I'm not a psychologist," I answered. "I'm a hypnotherapist." Well, she didn't even know what that was and stumbled on the word again and again. She had found me on TherapyTribe.com and assumed that since I was listed there I must be a psychologist. She hadn't looked at my website. So what have you done, I found myself wondering with a mental snort. I forced myself to be patient and kind when I really wanted to be snippy and condescending.

Her questions were rudimentary and even with my extended explanations about the nature of my work, we were done with the formal interview in about 15 minutes. So I offered to record a hypnotherapy CD for her and she accepted.

"What's going on in your life that you might need some help with," I asked perfunctorily.

Her reply shocked me to the core. Her father had been murdered last year. Her step-mother and step-brothers were now on trial for the crime. V.J. has had to go back and forth to the San Joaquin Valley to attend the trial. Her biggest problem was that she had a hard time "facing" the step-mother she had grown attached to, had gone shopping with, etc. V.J. mentioned that it had been hard for her to concentrate on school with all that was happening. But she was trying because it had been important to her dad for her to get good grades so she had actually pulled up her poor grades to an all-time high since his death.

Amazing how quickly perspective changes when we stop judging and start listening with our hearts.